Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
