it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
