btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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