dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just had sex bonerless
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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