i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
