i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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