I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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