I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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