She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
