Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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