oh god the rape fog is back!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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