shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
