the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
