A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
