I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize