Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
