its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My vagina is officially offended.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
