We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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