textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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