If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
