i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
