nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.