I'm so fucking centered right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.