Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
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Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...