I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.