The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
