Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you