my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
