He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
