He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
