oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
