No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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