He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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