I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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