Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
