I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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