did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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