if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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