I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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