You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
