i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
