Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
