Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
