Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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