Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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