That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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