guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
