Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
