oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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