What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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