I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
