Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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