the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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