She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
