she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
