yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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