How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
