maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
