So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
