i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
