dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
