you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
