no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
