$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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