If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
