Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
