you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
