Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
