If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
