he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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