I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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