Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
