Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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