I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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