Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize